Big Love

Saying good-bye is hard. Especially when you don't want to say good-bye.

I think of all the memories from this year; all of my babies' faces flash through my mind. They are the highlight of my year, they are my heartbeat, they are what kept me going.

Me and Class 1

Me and Class 2

I think of all those moments with them-all the hugs, the kisses, the singing, the laughter, the dancing, the terrible English. They stole my heart this year. And they won't give it back.

Me and Class 3

Me and Class 4

The last night I was in China, we were in Beijing for debriefing. We had just finished our commissioning service when I got a phone call.  It was from a number I didn't recognize, but I knew it was from Taiyuan. In my heart, I knew who it was. But my mind was like "no way."

I answered the phone, and I heard her voice. It was Dustin's mom. And I heard the tears in her voice and tears began to flow down my face.

She told me in her broken English how much Dustin would miss me, how much their family loved me. She repeatedly said, "You are the best, the best teacher. We love you." Through my sobs, I told her how much I loved her son, and I promised to come back. She made me laugh when she said, "You go to America, hard worker."

One of the things she kept saying as we wept together was, "Don't worry about Li tian ho [Dustin's Chinese name]. Don't worry about him."

Every time she said that, it felt like someone was plunging a knife into my heart. Thank Father my teammate Hailey was there, holding me, as I sobbed on the phone with her.

I told her how Dustin would always be in my heart, and I would never forget him. She said something that moved me beyond words, "I understand your heart, Ms. Lindsay. I understand your heart. You have big love."

That phrase, "You have big love," has stayed with me. Because I know it' not my big love. It's Father's. Without Him, I would have no big love. It's only through Him.

Me and Class 5

And yes, I now have big love. He gave me big love for my babies, for China. And praise Him, I know of at least one family who saw that big love. That phone call broke my heart, and after it, I spent everal minute sin the arm of my teammate Hailey, weeping. But even though it broke me, I can rejoice that they saw Father's big love.

And His love is big! His love allowed me to love my babies. His love allowed me to show His light in my classroom.

Me and Class 6

 My city director told me, "Those tears [that my babies shed] are the sign of a job well done and of His presence in your classroom."

For that, I rejoice in all the tears that have been shed by my babies, their families, my coteachers, and me. Because they are a sign of His big love!

Me and Class 7

 My heart is broken to leave my babies, Dustin and his family, and my beloved Chinese friends. But I can praise Father for this year. And I can have joy knowing that His work will continue.

Thank Father for His big love. And thank Him that He gives it to us!

Me and Class 8