My alopecia story: chapter 15,671

I haven't posted about my journey with alopecia in quite some time. Alot has happened in the past few years and seeing as I've posted pictures of my hair down to my waist and then not even an inch long, I figured I might want to update everyone.

When I came back from China, I had lost quite a bit of hair. Probably around 25-30%. It was getting difficult to hide the bald patches. I ended up trying multiple hair solutions, from extensions to actual patches of hair glued to my scalp. Soon, that wasn't enough. The disease had a mind of its own.

I'm sure the stress of medical school did not help the situation, but contrary to popular belief, stress is not the primary cause of alopecia. However, stress can definitely exacerbate a myriad of diseases.

My fear of losing all my hair had taken a deep hold in my heart. It made going out terrifying. What if someone saw? What would my patients think?

I ended up going to counseling because I could not deal with the fear, the anxiety, and the stress. And it was about the time that the alopecia began to worsen further, that Lawrence came into my life. Funny how the Lord does things like that.

Through Lawrence and my incredible counselor, the Lord began taking away my fear and anxiety. It's not easy, being a woman. Our cultures lies to us and tells us our only value is in our appearance. And despite my best efforts, I at times believed that lie.

I still remember when I had to tell Lawrence about the alopecia. It was maybe a month into our relationship, and he looked at me one evening and said, "Why don't you have little sideburns?"

I had not wanted to tell him. I was afraid he would run. I had been told by men before that they would never consider a relationship with a woman who had no hair. I figured as soon as I told him, he would take off.

I told him. And I took of my hair pieces and my headband and showed him.

His reaction was the exact opposite of what I expected. He told me he didn't care and that I was beautiful. Of course I cried. I never thought the Lord would make any man tender and caring enough to think I was beautiful with no hair. I had believed that lie, that no man could ever love me.

So, in June of 2016, I made the leap that I should have made many years ago. I shaved my head.

Lawrence sat and held my hand while they did it. I'm not going to lie, it was one of the hardest moments of my life. My mom even drove out to Memphis to be there when they did it. The emotional support I received from friends. classmates, and family was astounding. When they shaved my head, I realized how widespread by disease was.

I loved having my wig. The freedom was amazing. It was like this burden had been lifted. I look back at all the times my disease was bad and I wish I had shaved my head years ago.

Also, just an aside, having a shaved head in the OR is THE BEST. I don't get hot because of all that hair under the caps. My head can breathe!

You can also get the best head rubs with a shaved head. Just sayin'

So let me show you the progression of my disease over the past 18 months.

The day I shaved my head: June 2016

A couple months later: October 2016

in January of 2017, I noticed alot of white hair coming back into the bald spots. I call them my "little fuzzies." And then those bald patches started growing smaller. And smaller.

January 2017

Enter the wedding. I knew I needed a new wig for the wedding. So I had one custom made that was ridiculously long. Just so I had options for the wedding day.

3 hours worth of work

On our honeymoon, I started letting my hair grow out. I knew I wasn't going to take my wig to Zambia. Too much maintenance and I was afraid of sweating too much into it. Lawrence convinced me to not shave my head at all until I returned. Just to see what happened.

And hence the product you see now. For the first time in more years than I can remember, I have almost a full head of hair. My stupid eyebrows haven't seemed to come back yet. And I'm allergic to tattoo ink, so can't even get them permanently tattooed on. Oh yes, I also found out I had a bazillion allergies to various chemicals. Fun stuff.

My hair right before I left for Zambia

My hair after not shaving it for over 2 months

So there you have it. I have no idea what happened that my hair decided to grow back. Lawrence jokes that it was his calming presence in my life that appeased the alopecia.

But yes, this is the most hair I've had on my head since I was 4 or 5 years old. It's a strange disease. We'll see how long my hair sticks around this time. For now, I'm grateful to God for letting it grow back. And I'm thankful to Him for bringing such a wonderful man into my life who loves me for more than the way I look. Of course he totally digs the short hair now.