Surrender

It's amazing how being taken out of your comfort zone can change you in so many ways. I've only been in China for a little over a month and already I can tell I'm a different person. I'm becoming much more laid back. Shocking I know ... but it's happening. Some of you are probably doing a happy dance right now. It's ok, go ahead and enjoy it. 

Father has been teaching me alot about surrender this year. And now that I'm in China, this lesson has become even more evident. 

Sometimes there's literally nothing I can do about certain situations. And that frustrates me to no end. 

I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like the fact that there are some people I left behind in America that I care about, and I can't be there with them. Timing is a strange thing. Their lives go on without me, and mine without them. And that's hard for me to accept. When I see and hear of their hurt, I want to fix it. But I can't. 

And I look at where I am living. My city. There is so much I want to do. I want to change the living conditions of my students. I want to change the poverty I see all around me. I want to fix all the pollution so people will have healthy lungs for a long time. I want to fix it. But I can't.

But Father ... I love that phrase. But Father. Father can do all things. When I am weak, He is strong. Where I fail, He succeeds. It is my duty to surrender my life, my wants, my needs, my desire for control, my "rights." I must put it all before Him, with arms outspread and hands open, saying,"Not my will but yours." I even have to put the people I love before Him. As much as I want to cling to them and say they're mine, I have to let go. They're not mine, they're His. Whatever He needs to do in their lives will happen with or without me. It's His will, not mine. 

That's where we all need to be. On our knees before Him, offering up everything to Him in complete surrender. And that's where He's bringing me.