Changing Plans

Alright, so many people have told me that while I am in China, I need to have a blog. So here you go. I can’t promise you any brilliant, philosophical treatises or deep, sentimental ponderings. I am a realist, and I tend to call things as I see them.

I decided to call this blog The Interrupted Life. For those of you who do not know the story of how my plans were so unceremoniously interrupted, I shall inform you. For the last 8 years, I planned on going into the medical field after I graduated from college. The last 6 years I spent preparing for a career as a pediatric hematologist/oncologist (a kid’s cancer doctor). I love medicine. It is a passion of mine, and for many years, I could not imagine doing anything else with my life. I dreamed of the day when I would receive that coveted white coat and the title of Dr. Haynes. In my finite mind, medicine was my ultimate calling in life.

And so, last summer, I went through the medical school application process. Back in November, I got my first interview with a medical school. To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. And then, December came. I was waitlisted by this medical school and rejected by four others. Never before in my selfish pride had I even imagined that I would not get in.

As I struggled and wrestled with my anger about being waitlisted, slowly my heart began to change. What if I wasn’t supposed to go to med school right after undergrad? I began to calm down and started exploring other options. Then, China came. I applied to go to China as an English teacher, not thinking much of it. Over the next two months, as I completed the China application process, I noticed my attitude towards med school changing. I still felt called to pursue a career in medicine, but the urgent need to go to med school right away began to leave me.

And then February. I received an interview from University of TN medical school. And as expected, I fell in love with UT. It was everything I had dreamed of and more.

So two weeks later, I received a call telling me I had been accepted to go to China. Not one hour later I got a call from my mother—a letter from UT had come, telling me I had been waitlisted. Now I had a decision to make. Do I sit back and wait for a med school to accept me? Or do I take a leap of faith and go to China? Without knowing where this journey would take me, I stepped off the path I had planned for myself and instead took one that led me to China.

I’m a planner—always have been and probably always will be. I have my five-year, ten-year, fifteen-year plans all organized and laid out step by step. And China was not in any of them.

But that’s the beauty of life. Life is not laid out according to our plans—life happens. The hardest part is learning to accept interruptions in our life plans because in reality they are not really interruptions. Someone greater than us has the Master Plan. Our job is to surrender and trust that those Plans are so much better than our own. Even when we can’t see past the next step, we have to trust that there are more steps after that. It’s hard—it’s hard to relinquish control and put our faith in something we cannot see. But, when our eyes finally get to see past that first step, it all becomes worth it. All the tears, the struggles, the hurt and confusion. It’s all worth it when we finally surrender and take that step.

I do not know what the next year in China holds for me. But just in these last six months, I’ve learned that we are not given full disclosure of the Master Plan. Because if we were, we would never take that first step. I say my life was interrupted, but in reality, it was not. I was just shown the next step, which was different than what I had expected. And although this next step is different, it is so much more amazing and beautiful than I could ever have imagined.

So make plans. But do not hold tightly onto them, because you never know what life has in store. Be willing to surrender control.